Sexual assault is never casual

Society has taught me not to dress provocatively, not to go out drinking, not to walk in dark alleyways, not to put myself in “bad situations,” to limit sexual experiences. All of these precautions, society warns, may warrant some sort of sexual assault if I do not adhere and act appropriately.

If I walk in an alleyway and am assaulted by a man, it is my fault because I shouldn’t have been walking there. I go on a date with a boy and he decides he wants to have sex with me and I tell him “No,” but he does it anyway. It’s my fault for putting myself in a bad situation. If I wear a mini-skirt to a party and I am sexually assaulted, it is my fault for dressing in that way. If I drink too many beers at the bar and a man lures me outside to smoke a cigarette and he assaults me, it’s because I’ve been drinking too much and I should know better. If I have had many boyfriends or lovers, it couldn’t possibly be rape because, well, I do that kind of thing all the time. I’m known to be promiscuous.

Of course, none of that is true. It is never the victim’s fault, yet somehow people continually get away with it or at least are not punished to the extent that they should be.

I’m referencing two cases this year where college males received lenient sentences for sexual assault on unconscious victims.

Stanford student Brock Turner sexually assaulted an intoxicated, unconscious woman and was sentenced to only six months in jail and probation. Oh, and he’ll have to register as a sex offender. He was charged with the intent to commit rape of an intoxicated/unconscious person, penetration of an intoxicated person and penetration of an unconscious person.

Turner was prevented from raping the woman, as two bystanders saw what was happening and ended the horrific incident.

Similarly, University of Colorado student Austin James Wilkerson was found guilty on one count of sexual assault of a ‘helpless’ victim, which is a felony crime that carries up to a 12-year prison sentence. He was also found guilty on one count of unlawful sexual contact. Though Wilkerson was convicted of three felonies, including intent to rape, he was only sentenced to two years on work release and 20 years to life on probation. Work release means Wilkerson will be able to go to work or school during the day and return to a county jail at night while he serves his sentence.

In both of these cases, the victims were publicly shamed and partially blamed for their sexual assaults. Turner’s victim passed out from drinking too much and Turner digitally penetrated her. Yet, the defense said the victim should not have been drinking so much, that maybe it was consensual. I don’t believe an unconscious person can consent to anything.

Wilkerson made advancements toward his victim at a party. The victim dismissed his advancements. Wilkerson then waited until the victim was drunk and unconscious before he both digitally and orally penetrated her. The defense, again, said the victim must have consented despite her unconscious state.

In both of these situations, the victim is not to blame because the victim is never to blame.

Though the perpetrators were punished to some extent, it was basically a slap on the wrist further making sexual assault a casual event.

Men can also become victims of sexual assault. However, it is women who must hold the burden of being blamed for their assaults, which lead to the eventual light sentences of rapists.

Since I was around 12 years old, I have heard about rape and it was something I was afraid of, because anyone can be a victim. Though it is not something I fear constantly, it is a fear that remains in the back of my mind — one I hope never happens to me, at least not worse than the two assaults I have experienced in my life.

When those assaults occurred, I was grateful it wasn’t worse. That isn’t how it should be, because it should never happen.

I never reported either assault because it was not full-on rape, though I should have. Many victims of sexual assault never report it. Maybe it’s because they know they will be blamed or because they do not want to go to court and have to see the perpetrator and relive the awful thing — they’d rather just forget about it. Whatever the reason, it happens way more often than it is ever reported.

Most importantly, none of it is casual. None of it is OK. The victims are forever scarred, and the perpetrators are running free — if not now, in the very near future.